


love burn

by thunderylee



Category: Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Romance, side ryopi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-12
Updated: 2010-09-12
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: It’s not all hearts and kisses being a girl. Ryo learns this the hard way.





	love burn

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. written for newsficcon 2010.

If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Nishikido Ryo lives his life to the fullest, doing his best at everything fate throws at him and trying to have fun no matter what. Despite what people may assume based on his closed-off demeanor, Ryo is actually a rather positive person, content with what he has and finding comfort in life’s simple pleasures.

Like spending the evening alone or surrounded by un-annoying people, even though those occasions are few and far between.

“Where do you come up with this shit?” Jin laughs out around a mouthful of tequila lime Lay’s (they went with the tequila sunrises, which was really just a fancy name for tequila and orange juice, but Ryo brought out the nice glasses anyway), most of which sprays on the magazine page. “I wouldn’t want to be a bitch for _one second_.”

“Yeah, you’d have to put up with creepers like yourself trying to get into your pants,” Shige inputs from across the room, looking right at home on Ryo’s Lay-Z-Boy recliner.

Jin throws a chip at him and cringes when Ryo casts him a dirty look. Luckily the chip lands in Shige’s hand and disappears into his mouth with no stray crumb distribution. “I’d be a lesbian, that’s for damn sure,” Jin says.

Yamapi sighs, though whether at the mention of lesbians or something profound that’s running through his mind is anyone’s guess. Suddenly he reaches for his drink and throws it back like a shot, then takes turns glancing at Ryo and Shige staring at him expectantly. “What?”

“I’d probably fuck _me_ ,” Jin goes on, oblivious to the actions of the man next to him on the couch. Too close, Ryo notes, but only Jin and Yamapi can practically sit in each other’s laps and not look completely gay. No gayer than normal, anyway.

“It’s just interesting to think about,” Ryo says, explaining himself not because he’s defensive, but because he’s drunk and the concept of him being a girl is a lot more preferable than the concept of Jin being a girl. “I’d be really hot.”

Now all three of the others laugh; Yamapi’s is delayed and Ryo’s not entirely sure that he’s laughing at _him_. He doesn’t care either, leaning back in his armchair and staring off into space as his mind swirls with intoxication and images of long, dark hair flowing down tanned skin. He would definitely be a hot girl.

“Serious question,” Jin interrupts Ryo’s vision, stopping the laughter abruptly as he gives Ryo his best smirk that tells him nothing good can follow that. “If you _did_ turn into a girl, which one of us would you blow first?”

Ryo bursts out laughing, but only because of the completely scandalized look on Shige’s face. Yamapi looks thoughtful, like he’s considering it, and Jin probably wouldn’t be opposed either way.

“I don’t think I would want that even if he was really a girl,” Shige mutters, still shaking his head and decidedly _not_ looking in Ryo’s direction. “It would still be Ryo.”

“It’s a hypothetical!” Jin says exasperatedly, rolling his eyes while Yamapi looks impressed (probably because Jin knows the proper use of the word ‘hypothetical’ after a few tequila sunrises). “See, this is why you’re not one of the cool kids, Shige. You just can’t let go and have fun.”

“I can too have fun,” Shige shoots back, arguing like a true ten-year-old. “I just don’t want to think about _that_.”

Ryo waits until Shige looks over at him to make gratuitous slurping noises on what’s left of his drink, nearly choking as the laughter returns.

Yamapi bounces with the force of Jin’s hysterics, lazily lifting his arm to pound him on the back a couple times before he dies right there on Ryo’s couch. Maybe they’re not that annoying after all, at least not right now when he can’t stop laughing at Shige’s disgusted expression and doesn’t even think twice before stumbling into the kitchen for another drink. There’s no cut-off when it’s his own apartment.

For the sake of this discussion, and because he probably should have been cut off a _long_ time ago, Ryo would pick Shige. If just because he would make that adorable lemon face the entire time and hate himself for enjoying it. Deep down, Ryo’s a bit of a sadist like that.

Not like it would ever happen anyway.

*

Thankfully, Jin lets it go after a few weeks. It was a very _long_ few weeks, however, complete with endless mocking and showering of feminine gifts like lace panties and tampons. Usually given in public.

He’s never before been so grateful for Jin to be on the other side of the world. He hopes Jin tours Europe next.

“Here,” Ryo says as Tegoshi passes by, holding out the latest pink bag. “He went for the junior size this time, probably because the package is purple.”

Tegoshi shrugs. “My sister will use them. Thanks!”

Ryo smokes thoughtfully as Tegoshi starts to leave, then raises his eyebrow as the other hesitates. “Yes?”

“It’s just…” Tegoshi fingers the spiral ribbons on the handle and stares at the ground. “Do you really want to be a girl?”

“Of course not,” Ryo says affectionately, resisting the urge to reach out and smack Tegoshi on the head. The youngest active member is bigger than him now. “Jin’s just an asshole.”

Tegoshi shrugs. “I can’t argue with you there. I was just wondering, because… well…”

“Why, are you going to make it happen?” Ryo jokes. Mostly.

Now Tegoshi’s face turns unimpressed. “I’m not _god_ , Ryo-kun.”

Laughter escapes with Ryo’s next breath as he realizes how ridiculous this conversation is, and even Tegoshi cracks a smile as he shakes his head and goes on his way, waving the gift bag of junior tampons in a silent farewell.

A week later, a mysterious package arrives in the mail from Los Angeles. Against his better judgment, Ryo opens it and finds this month’s Cosmo (in Japanese, you’d think Jin would be tired of Little Tokyo by now), pop-on nails with butterflies appliqued on them, a recorded CD, and some hard candy. The CD is what catches his attention and he slips it into his laptop, expecting it to be something new Jin’s working on and popping a piece of the candy into his mouth while he waits for it to load. It tastes good, kind of sweet and sour at the same time, but it’s gone too fast and leaves a pleasant tingle on his tongue.

It wouldn’t hurt to have another one, although he nearly chokes on it when a familiar song starts playing and Jin’s breathy voice is crooning a parody of Beyoncé’s ‘If I Were a Boy’, which is apparently entitled ‘If Ryo Were a Girl’. Ryo doesn’t catch a lot of it because it’s in English, Jin’s English even, but he knows the word ‘whore’ very well and shuts it off before the first chorus. He feels better after the CD snaps into two on his wall.

_Asshole_ , Ryo emails, sucking angrily on his third piece of candy. It’s addictive; if it hadn’t gone through customs, Ryo would think it was laced with some kind of drug. _The candy is good, though._

_Don’t eat too much_ , Jin sends back, and Ryo wonders what the hell he’s doing up at three-thirty in the morning if his time conversion is correct. _You’ll get sick._

Rolling his eyes, he closes his laptop and flips through the Cosmo. The girls are okay-looking, not really his type, and he amuses himself by mentally disproving all twenty ways to please your man before he gets tired and turns in for the night.

After consuming every single piece of candy.

*

As the sunlight pours into his bedroom and seeps into his reluctantly-awakening conscious, Ryo grumbles out a curse that’s wholly dedicated to one Akanishi Jin as his stomach flops around, brutally protesting last night’s binge. A few rubs makes it tolerable, even if Ryo doesn’t recall his own belly ever feeling so soft before. Must be that new body wash he got on sale.

Giving in to the morning, Ryo prepares to stretch by dragging his hand up his chest like he’s done every day for close to twenty-six years, except that this is the first time his wrist is blocked by a firm mass that bounces back and dammit, that hurt.

The world stops.

Except not really, since the annoying birds are still chirping and now his alarm is going off and it must be trash day because that god-awful sound of the garbage truck backing up is right outside his window.

And he has fucking boobs. Actual breasts, two of them, just enough to spill over his hands as he reaches up to grab them because honestly, it’s the natural first reaction. It doesn’t do anything for him, probably because they’re _his_ , but the part of him it would actually do something _to_ seems to have been replaced with a whole lot of nothing, which Ryo becomes very aware of as he feels a breeze where he never has before despite his covers still being completely on.

His next thought is that he’s glad he kept those panties. He leans up to get them, nearly shrieking at the strands of black that fall into his face until he realizes that it’s his _hair_. Long, wavy hair, nearly down to his ass or at least it would be if it wasn’t matted up on one side and sticking out on the other.

He frowns as he considers his options. Yesterday he was a man, a man who only needs fifteen minutes to shower and go in the morning, where today it looks like he’ll need fifteen minutes just to find his bangs. Assuming he doesn’t going into shock first.

A girl. He’s an honest-to-god, anatomically-correct _girl_. Nishikido Ryo, at this moment, is by every account female. What would he be called now? He doesn’t like Ryoko; too common. Maybe it would be okay to continue as Ryo. There are other girls named Ryo. Yes, he will stay as Ryo.

As he blows the rat’s nest out of his face, it occurs to him that how he’s addressed is the _least_ of his concerns right now. It would make him feel a lot better to call Jin and take it out on him, but it wouldn’t do a bit of good and probably cost him a fortune. So he calls Yamapi.

Who is still sleeping, judging by the snore that greets him on the other end of the line. What an admirable leader.

“Get your ass up, Pi, we have a problem,” Ryo snaps, the sound of his own voice making his eyes grow wide as his hand claps over his mouth. He sounds like an _actual girl_.

“Sayako-chan?” Yamapi gasps suddenly. “You’re not pregnant, are you? We were so careful.”

Ryo’s hand falls from his face as his eyes narrow. “Are you really that much of a pig?”

“What are you- wait,” Yamapi cuts himself off, and Ryo imagines the logic seeping into his brain. “Why are you calling from Ryo’s phone?”

Ryo pulls his knees to his chest and leans his head down, his forest of ratty hair covering him on all sides as he grabs onto the phone hard enough to shake and feels more scared than he ever has in his entire life. “It’s me, Pi. I-I…” Ryo pauses, not exactly sure what the proper etiquette is for announcing one’s new gender. “I’m going to be late to our meeting,” he finally says.

There’s no response for a long time, but Ryo can hear Yamapi breathing through the phone.

“Say something,” Ryo hisses. He’s shaking with the force of his nerves. “Pi?”

Yamapi snores again and it takes a lot of effort for Ryo not to hurl his phone across the room.

Instead he screams right into the mouthpiece, and it’s comforting to learn that he still has a strong, shrill voice as a girl. At least he stands a chance at being able to sing his parts properly. For now there are a series of bumps and thuds in his ear, followed by a long, whiny groan and Ryo smiles smugly at the implication that Yamapi fell out of his bed.

“I’m on my way,” Yamapi huffs, then disconnects.

Now would probably be a good time to find those panties.

*

Not much has changed by the time Yamapi bursts through the front door like the SWAT team. Ryo’s as dressed as he can be in his boy clothes (the panties didn’t fit, stupid Jin) and has relocated to the living room, but he’s sitting in the same fetal position and trying really, really hard not to cry.

It’s only been a half hour and this whole being a girl thing _sucks_.

“Ryo,” Yamapi calls out, more of an exhale than his actual voice. Ryo isn’t looking at him but feels those eyes on him, judging him, and he balls his hands into fists to contain himself. “What happened to your hair?”

Now Ryo really does hurl his phone across the room, with more intent than strength as it does some kind of pitiful lob before bouncing off the back of the couch. Which Yamapi is standing to the left of.

Yamapi makes a deflated noise as he looks from Ryo to the couch and back to Ryo. “Wow, you really are a girl! You even throw like one!”

“I hate you,” Ryo snaps. “My dick is gone, none of my clothes fit, my voice is high and _I can’t get a comb through my fucking hair_.”

Now he sees Yamapi standing before him in all of his pre-coffee glory, staring at him in some kind of sleepy disbelief while using the arm of the couch to hold himself up. “It’s Ryo-chan.”

“What?” Ryo replies irritably.

“You still look like Ryo-chan,” Yamapi explains, smiling brightly. “In the face. It’s comforting because, well, this is a little weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryo says flatly.

Yamapi flops down on the couch and plays with Ryo’s phone. “So what’s it like?”

“Sucks,” Ryo answers. “I’m hideous. I hate it.”

“Aw,” Yamapi says gently. “Only your hair is hideous. The rest of you is kind of cute.”

Ryo tightens his arms in front of his chest. “You’re not helping.”

A _click_ noise sounds, and Ryo’s attention jerks to where Yamapi is holding up _his_ phone and clearly taking a picture.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Ryo snarls, abandoning his perch on the armchair to leap across the room and tackle Yamapi down onto the couch, wrestling him for the phone. “Pi, I’m serious, if you send that to anyone, I’ll kill you.”

Yamapi just laughs, holding the phone up out of Ryo’s reach while Ryo tries to get it and ends up falling right on top of him.

Then it’s not funny anymore. Yamapi’s face falls void of any emotion, save for the eyes that are usually unseeing seeming to focus for once. Ryo gulps, feeling something inside him that he’s pretty sure is the female equivalent of groping breasts, and his phone falls to the floor forgotten as Yamapi’s hand gently rests on his waist. The next thing Ryo knows, they’re kissing, Yamapi’s thick lips against his and it feels right, it feels _good_ , and his new body is much approving of where this is going.

His knees fall on either side of Yamapi’s waist and there it is, hard between his legs, and it must not be as scary as Ryo feared because all he’s wondering is how long Yamapi has been like that. Perhaps Ryo should have opted for a T-shirt instead of a wifebeater, but either way it would have been tight and Yamapi is definitely a boob man.

The label proves true as Ryo makes an embarrassing squeaking noise at the way Yamapi’s hand slides up his shirt, fingers grazing the smooth flesh as they rub at the nipple that pebbles under his touch. Ryo feels squirmy and takes it out on Yamapi’s mouth, kissing him harder because it’s the only thing he knows how to do right now, even if Yamapi seems unopposed to the way Ryo’s rocking against him. He’s not that bothered by it either, the friction making him hotter and even if he doesn’t really know what’s going on down there, he’s willing to bet Yamapi does.

Yamapi tears his mouth away on a particularly rough grind, letting out a loud groan that has Ryo even more ready to tear all of their clothes off and just ride him. His body is literally aching for something inside him, something long and hard and Yamapi-shaped, and he’ll deal with the consequences later if it means he can get satisfaction for now.

It amuses him a little that his preferred position is girl-on-top no matter which one he is.

“Ryo,” Yamapi wheezes out, his face a little pink from arousal and Ryo never thought he would ever see that in his entire life. “I-”

“Don’t,” Ryo cuts him off, grabbing him by both shoulders and pinning him down even though Yamapi could probably pick him up and throw him. “Don’t you dare fucking stop, because it’s already come this far and we both want this and it’s not gay if I don’t have a dick. And I’ll kill you.”

Beneath him, Yamapi hides a smile. “I was just going to tell you that I don’t have a condom.”

Ryo blinks. “Oh. Um, I have one in my wallet.”

Knotted chunks of hair get in his face as he reaches in his back pocket, feeling like the world’s most unfeminine female until he remembers who he’s about to have sex with. Friendship aside, Yamapi is a fucking hot guy. Girls all over the world would be jealous of Ryo right now.

“Your hair is really distracting,” Yamapi tells him, cringing as some of his swats at his face.

On a whim, Ryo takes off his shirt and uses it to tie his mop back. Let it never be said that he’s not inventive.

It works, Yamapi’s attention switching right to Ryo’s breasts that tingle in the open air. Ryo grabs the foil packet from his wallet just as Yamapi leans up, making contact with his tongue and sending Ryo’s eyes rolling back into his head. He’s definitely going to pay more attention to girls’ breasts in the future if it will make them feel this good.

For now he fumbles with the packet, hit with a wave of insecurity because he doesn’t just want to undo Yamapi’s pants and put the condom on him. Yamapi is content with his face in Ryo’s boobs, but Ryo would like another part of him elsewhere and apparently patience is not one of his strong suits as either gender. But before Ryo can think of a way to say that eloquently, Yamapi’s hands are on his belt and he breathes a sigh of relief into the otherwise silent room, one which Yamapi hears and recognizes if the chuckle in his cleavage is any indication.

His eyes are still attentive as he reluctantly pulls away from Ryo’s chest, pulls off his own shirt, and leans up to face level. It’s awkward to just look at him so Ryo kisses him again, tongues slipping together desperately as Yamapi bares their bottom halves and pokes his fingers between Ryo’s legs.

The first touch has him squealing in surprise, followed by a moan because Yamapi knows exactly what he’s doing and waits until Ryo’s bucking against his hand to push a finger inside him. It has his body pushing back for more but it’s not enough, even when Yamapi uses two fingers and moves them back and forth as fast as he can, thumb working his clit and sending Ryo into a state of uncontrollable trembles until his entire body erupts in orgasm and he cries out into Yamapi’s mouth.

“Good?” the lips against his ask while the fingers inside him move even more intently. “You want another one?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Ryo gets out, gathering all of his courage to reach down and take Yamapi’s cock in hand.

In response, Yamapi growls and it’s the sexiest thing Ryo’s ever heard, the condom practically snatched from his grip and expertly put on with one hand while the other keeps Ryo bouncing on his fingers. All too soon it’s gone and Ryo’s resulting noise is shameful, but then Yamapi’s grabbing him by both hips and pulling him down and it’s a little surreal how it just goes in, Ryo’s natural lubrication as a female making it easy and painless. That’s his last coherent thought before his mind is claimed by the act as well as his body, Yamapi moving him back and forth more than Ryo’s actually doing it on his own as he loses himself to the heat and the pressure accumulating from the pounding inside him.

He honestly doesn’t understand why girls don’t do this all the time. Right now he feels like he could get fucked all day, riding the wave of the rhythm set by Yamapi’s deep thrusts upward at the same time he pulls Ryo forward. Ryo’s face ends up somewhere in Yamapi’s throat and he smells good, tastes good as Ryo’s lips move on their own and Yamapi must like it because he tightens his hold and snaps his hips faster.

Ryo’s normally not loud during sex but this time it’s because his breath has been stolen, puffs of nothing coming out of his open mouth pressed against Yamapi’s throat as his body queues up for another release. He feels Yamapi twitching underneath him and thinks that they might come together, but he can’t tell for sure as his world explodes again and when he comes to, Yamapi’s no longer inside him. It’s an embarrassingly empty feeling that he shakes off, nuzzling into Yamapi’s embrace because it’s totally okay to cuddle when he’s a girl.

Then his front door opens and he falls to the floor.

“Oh, I forgot,” Yamapi says breathlessly, stretching for Ryo’s phone. “I sent the picture to Shige.”

*

It takes an hour for Shige to untangle Ryo’s hair with his arsenal of styling tools and another forty-five minutes to manipulate it into something other than ‘big’. It doesn’t help that Shige keeps getting distracted and nearly burns Ryo’s ear with the flat iron because Ryo’s still wearing the wifebeater and his dark nipples are clearly visible through the fabric.

He should be grateful that Ryo put his shirt back on at all, the prude. Upon letting himself in Ryo’s unlocked front door, he’d promptly dropped his bag and covered his face like a child walking in on his parents. His face is _still_ tinted red and he won’t meet Ryo’s eye in the mirror, which is fine because Ryo can’t seem to look away from him _self_.

Now that he doesn’t look like a wild jungle freak, he’s kind of pretty. Really pretty. His eyelashes are long and dark and his lips are plump, his complexion clear and not too shiny with a cute smile. Shige had managed to find his bangs, which are only a little bit in his eyes because he was about due for a haircut anyway.

“Will you please put a bra on,” Shige deadpans, making a face at saying the actual word.

“If I had one, I would,” Ryo shoots back, smiling for effect; Shige cringes. “I don’t usually keep women’s underwear on hand for emergencies.”

That makes him think of the tampons and he freezes, suddenly terrified that he’ll have to go through _that_ as well. Thankfully Shige is done with his hair, threading through it with his fingers and indirectly giving Ryo an impromptu scalp massage that makes him forget all about the complexity of girl parts. He closes his eyes to the sensations, letting a satisfied moan slip and smirking when Shige pauses.

“You should braid it before you go to sleep,” is all Shige says. “That will keep it from getting tangled as badly.”

“I want to go shopping,” Ryo declares.

In his peripheral vision, he sees Shige narrow his eyes. “You’re not going out looking like that.”

Now Ryo raises an eyebrow, automatically rising to the challenge of a facial expression war. “How else would you advise that I purchase the necessary clothing to spare your innocent eyes?”

“Don’t you have _anything_?” Shige asks, rolling his eyes. “None of your girls have ever left one behind?”

Yamapi snorts, and Ryo’s pretty sure that they’re both thinking that Shige’s never brought a girl home in his life. It’s kind of hard to leave without your bra.

Instead of arguing, Ryo jumps up and jogs down the hallway, over-bouncing on purpose, then digs around in his room until he finds an ace bandage. He can only wrap it around twice but it serves the purpose, even if he has to redo it a few times until the clip is in the front. Good thing they make front-clasping bras – he’s taken a few off in his time. He leaves the wifebeater on because it’s hot outside and it kind of makes him look like a thug gangster bitch with the baggy men’s jeans. A red bandana completes the ensemble with the added plus of keeping his three pounds of hair off of his neck.

Yamapi wants to go to the mall since he now has the day off, their meeting obviously canceled due to the circumstances, but he insists on dropping Shige and Ryo off down the street to keep from being recognized. “I can’t be seen with some random girl,” he says apologetically.

“And it’s okay for _me_?” Shige responds indignantly, huffing as Yamapi just grins and drives off. “People know who I am too!”

Ryo pats him on the shoulder. “Yeah, but nobody cares if you’re seen with a girl. They’ll probably assume that I’m too hot for you.”

“Whatever, let’s go,” Shige grumbles, dragging Ryo by the arm into the first girl’s clothing store they find.

Within five minutes Ryo learns why every girl he’s ever dated has never wanted to take him clothes shopping. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t know his size, soliciting the help of a saleslady and dreaming up a pretty ingenius story about losing a ton of weight and not fitting into any of his old clothes. He notices a couple of the other girls giving him dirty looks, but they’re a little on the chunky side and are probably jealous of Ryo’s slender frame.

Shige just leans against the wall, trying to look famous while Ryo disappears into a dressing room to try some different things on. They figure out his sizes and go from there, and naturally Ryo chooses the most revealing outfits because he really likes when girls dress that way for him.

“Absolutely not,” growls a voice behind him, the tube top snatched from his hand and returned to the rack. “Do you want guys to think you’re a whore?”

Livid, Ryo spins around and stares down Shige. “Just because I want to dress sexy doesn’t make me a _whore_ ,” he informs him. “This is precisely why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

Shige glares harder and Ryo starts to waver. Stupid girl hormones. “This has nothing to do with me. This has to do with you and how you treat your body while you’re like this.”

“If it has nothing to do with you, then why don’t you fuck off?” Ryo replies brightly, gathering his choices to take to the register. “I don’t need you here.”

He fights the urge to look over his shoulder as the lady rings up his purchases, his willpower tested until it comes time to hand over his credit card. “May I see your I.D., Miss?”

“Hmm?” Ryo responds absently, then realizes that nobody here actually knows who he is. He also doesn’t match the gender on his driver’s license, which Ryo stealthily slips behind another card as he flips through his wallet. “Oh no, I must not have put it back in here…”

A sharp elbow digs into his arm and the sound of plastic hitting the counter earns his attention, his gaze falling on Shige and his stupid pissed-off face that makes him look like a monkey. A stupid one. “I’ll get it,” Shige says evenly.

“Thanks,” Ryo mutters, feeling sheepish as the lady folds his colorful bras and thongs along with the low-cut shirts and short skirts. It’s still technically summer.

Shige doesn’t say anything, just signs his receipt and grabs Ryo’s bags before storming out of the store, resorting Ryo to a quick jog to catch up with him. Eventually he just grabs Shige’s arm and stops moving, giving Shige no choice but to stop as well.

“What is your problem?” Ryo hisses, stepping closer to keep from causing a scene in the middle of the mall. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. I could have gone to the ATM and went back to pay. I didn’t think-”

“That’s just it!” Shige exclaims, somehow yelling without raising his voice. “You don’t think! Ryo, you’re a _girl_ now.”

“I am very aware of that, thank you,” Ryo says sarcastically. “Your point?”

“My point is that you need to act like one.” Shige folds his arms for effect, Ryo’s neon bags swinging from either side. “I don’t know how long you’re going to be like this-”

“Me neither!” Ryo interjects.

“-but you need to take it seriously,” Shige finishes breathlessly, and Ryo’s a little amazed at how worked up the younger man is getting. “You may be having fun right now, but eventually the repercussions of your actions _will_ catch up with you.”

Ryo’s confused anger subsides as he reads between the lines. “This is about me fucking Pi, isn’t it?”

He knows he’s right when Shige frantically glances from side to side before responding. “Can you not say that so freely?”

“That’s it,” Ryo says firmly, folding his _own_ arms because now he’s the one in control. “You’re jealous because he got to me first.”

“You are unbelievable,” Shige tells him, scoffing as he looks everywhere but at Ryo.

“It’s not like we’re exclusive or anything,” Ryo explains. “Give me a couple drinks and I’ll probably fuck you too.”

“I’m going to find Pi,” Shige announces suddenly. “I’ll take your bags to the car. Text one of us when you’re ready to go.”

Ryo watches him leave, his mouth falling open in incredulity as Shige saunters away like he’s the better man. Person, whatever. Shaking his head, Ryo finds the ATM and withdraws a good amount of money; he doesn’t get to be a girl every day, after all. Five hours later he’s made it to the shoe store, surrounded by heels and platforms that he doesn’t wobble too much in (thank you, Johnny, for those years of crossdressing practice), and by the time the third angry text from Shige arrives Ryo figures he should probably wrap things up and head to the food court to meet up with the _boys_.

Yamapi is still as cheerful as ever, pigging out on steak fries with a few bags of his own, and he insists on seeing all of Ryo’s purchases before they even leave. _He_ doesn’t seem to have a problem with the skimpier items, his eyes mostly locked on Ryo’s cleavage because he’d changed into a proper bra and flattering top before joining them.

“What about that bag?” Yamapi inquires, pointing to the boring white department store bag.

“Oh, there’s nothing interesting in there.” Ryo waves dismissively, ignoring the way Shige’s attention perks. “Just some longer skirts and sleeved tops in case it gets cooler.”

He also ignores the way his heart flutters from Shige’s failed attempt at hiding a pleased smile.

*

All things considered, the rest of NEWS takes it pretty well. Massu’s eyes light up when he learns of Ryo’s new interest in shopping and Koyama can’t keep his hands out of Ryo’s hair, which works out well since Ryo can’t braid his own hair to save his life. Koyama offers to come over every night to wash and braid for him, and the next day there is this crimp to it that Ryo kind of likes.

Tegoshi just laughs and promises to return the last box of tampons.

He tells Uchi the hard way, by showing up at his place and freaking him out for five whole minutes by making him think that Ryo’s some crazy stalker fangirl. He makes it until Uchi’s about to call the police before texting him from the front porch and laughing hysterically when Uchi runs right back out and gapes at him. He laughs even harder when Uchi rakes his eyes over Ryo’s tube top and miniskirt before wrinkling his nose and looking away in disgust.

“Don’t hate me because I’m prettier than you,” Ryo says bluntly, and Uchi slams the door in his face. (Ryo opens it right back up and lets himself in; he’s not nearly done tormenting yet.)

The rest of Eito are much more adult about it, in both senses of the term as Ryo learns things about girls that he never knew were _possible_ before. He can’t walk properly afterwards, but he also can’t wipe the stupid grin off of his face. Worth it.

Shige makes it until he catches Ryo in the elevator with Kusano before blowing up. “Are you just going to fuck your way through the whole jimusho?” he yells loud enough for everyone to hear.

A few (of age) juniors look up in interest, and Ryo catches an approving look in Senga’s eye. He’s always wondered about that one.

“Aw, that’s cute, Shige’s being protective of Ryo-chan,” Kusano teases, prying his tongue out of Ryo’s mouth long enough to make fun of his ex-bandmate and childhood friend. “Don’t worry, I’ll be _real_ good to him. Her. Whatever.”

Shige just scoffs and storms off.

“I think he likes you,” Kusano says as the elevator door dings closed, but Ryo’s back against the wall before he can figure out if the other is serious or not.

*

_Pics or it didn’t happen_ , Ryo’s email displays from Jin’s ridiculous account (username ‘imajinius69’). He notices Shige’s eyes cut over to him as he starts to sneak away with his phone.

“What?” he says defensively.

“Where are you going?” Shige asks.

“To the bathroom,” Ryo replies. “Is that all right with you?”

Shige gets that stupid disapproving look on his face again. “Do you really need your phone?”

“Unless you want me to take a picture out here,” Ryo replies with a sigh. This is getting old.

To his credit, Shige catches on right away. “Ryo! You can’t just share those kinds of pictures!”

“Why not?” Ryo challenges. “It’s my body. If I want to show it off, I will.”

“Would you do it if you were still a boy?” Shige demands.

“Hell no!” Ryo practically squeaks. “That shit _always_ ends up on the Internet.”

“That’s another thing,” Shige goes on. “You should stop swearing so much and talk more like a girl. It’s embarrassing to take you out in public.”

Ryo eyes Yamapi playing with his own phone on the couch. “Pi, a little help here.”

“Dick pics don’t get leaked unless you share them with the wrong person,” is Yamapi’s input. “You can trust Jin.”

Shige makes a face and Ryo laughs out loud.

“Fine, go take your dirty pictures,” Shige says in a very fake careless tone.

Nose in the air, Ryo skips down the hallway and gets to work. Except that the angle is awkward and Ryo keeps getting unflattering shots of his stomach. Finally he just yells for Yamapi, who blinks when he walks in to find Ryo’s skirt hiked up around his waist and one foot planted on the edge of the sink. Instead of a picture he gets Yamapi’s face between his legs, the faucet banging into Ryo’s spine as he arches his back at the first flick of Yamapi’s tongue on his clit.

He’s pretty sure he hears the front door slam, but he’s moaning too loudly to really notice.

*

After a full week, Ryo starts to think that this might be a problem.

Not because he’s still physically a girl hiding undercover in two boybands, that part is easy. Ryo can sing his parts the same if he smokes a lot and he’s nearly undetectable when he tapes down his boobs and puts his hair up in a hat. He finds great joy in stuffing his pants, too. His manager is currently looking for a drama script about a boy who pretends to be a girl because how awesome would that be? His family wasn’t even that bothered by the news, and he feels closer to his sister than ever before.

Basically, everything on the outside is fine. Great, even, possibly better. Ryo’s life as a man had become kind of tedious, almost boring, the same kind of every day where nothing was really exciting anymore. Now, as a girl, _everything_ is exciting. Shopping and clothes and makeup, dancing in ways he couldn’t pull off before and of course the physical benefits. Sex as a female is quite possibly the best thing in the world, from the multiple orgasms to the way it feels to have someone inside him, filling him completely. It’s a special kind of intimacy he hadn’t yet experienced as a male, where time stops and stars explode behind his eyes and he kind of forgets who he is for a little while in favor of how he feels.

And that’s actually the problem, because it’s become more emotional than a casual fun time. His sister tells him this is normal, but Ryo’s not used to these overwhelming _feelings_ that linger after he puts his clothes back on. He looks at Yamapi differently, at Kusano, even Shige who won’t go anywhere near him.

Especially Shige. Shige who watches out for him, who will still come over at the crack of dawn and straighten Ryo’s hair when Ryo’s tears of frustration are barely visible through his unruly locks, even when he’s irrationally pissed off like he’s been this entire time. Ryo’s not sure what bug has crawled up Shige’s ass but _he’s_ the one with the hormones here, not Shige. He should be the one being moody and passive-aggressive at every opportunity and giving lectures about inappropriate behavior.

“Do you really think I’m a whore?” Ryo finally confronts him in the busy hallway, staring hard into his eyes as he braces himself for the truth.

“Yeah, I do,” Shige snaps, his voice unwavering as he returns Ryo’s glare for once.

It’s instinctual how Ryo slaps him across the face and hides in the bathroom for an hour. Being as it’s the girl’s bathroom in a corridor of all-male groups, no one comes after him. His phone is back in his bag and all he has right now is his dignity, which crumbles as his hair falls into his face and his jumble of emotions comes out in a flow of tears and hysterical sobs that echo off of the tile walls. It’s something short of a breakdown and it feels _good_ , the resulting red eyes and red nose a fair price to pay for the satisfaction he feels when he looks in the mirror afterwards.

He washes his face, takes a deep breath, and returns to the rest of his group with a small smile. “Sorry, guys.”

Koyama’s arms are immediately around him, a comforting hug that somehow knocks the wind out of him and doesn’t seem like enough at the same time. Tegoshi and Massu are smiling supportively – they both have sisters – and Yamapi is thoughtlessly making fish faces at the wall. Ryo’s going to miss that mouth.

“Shige, are you busy later?” Ryo asks, hoping that nobody can hear how fast his heart is beating through his voice.

The hand print shines as Shige shakes his head, brow seeming to be permanently furrowed as he looks at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” Ryo says sincerely. “Let me buy you dinner or something to make it up to you.”

“That’s not really-” Shige starts, but stops short at the way Ryo narrows his eyes. “Okay, fine.”

Ryo grins and it’s real, a real expression mirroring a real feeling of happiness because Shige isn’t really mad at him.

It’s not until they’re sitting across a table from each other chowing down on barbeque that Ryo realizes what’s happening, the truth hitting him like a bus and making him sip his drink carefully and cut his meat off of the bone because suddenly he wants to behave like a proper lady.

“That’s much better,” Shige praises him, and Ryo falls a little more.

*

To keep from slipping into his old habits, Ryo spends all of his free time with Shige. If the actual male of the pair has any protest about it, he hasn’t voiced it. He also won’t sit next to him on the couch, which frustrates Ryo to no end.

“Do I smell or something?” Ryo explodes the third time they watch a movie together at Ryo’s place. It’s Shige’s turn to pick, which means a boring historical flick that has Ryo wanting to make out with him just to stay awake. “Why won’t you come near me?”

A flash of annoyance graces Shige’s features before that stone expression reappears. “I’m not interested in anything you have to offer me right now, Ryo.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ryo barks. “Maybe I just want to talk to you without yelling across the room.”

Even Ryo knows that’s a pathetic excuse, but Shige actually chuckles. “I honestly don’t know why you’re wasting your time with me when you could be having fun with someone else.”

“I-I don’t know either,” Ryo responds, his mind coming up blank when he tries to think of a suitable answer. “I guess I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Shige says automatically. “I just seem to be the only one who isn’t thrilled with this new development.”

Ryo squints in the dark, studying Shige’s face through the reflection of the sporadic bright lights from the TV. He looks troubled, torn, all kinds of uneasy feelings that Ryo failed to notice before due to his own presumptions. “I’m sorry,” is all he can think of to say.

“It’s not your fault,” Shige says with another laugh, this one borderline hysterical. “It’s not like you took a magic pill and made it happen. Did you?”

Shaking his head, Ryo lets his hair fall over his face because right now he kind of wants to hide from the world. “It’s not that fun for me either, you know. All of these stupid girl feelings keep getting in the way and I don’t know how long I’m going to be like this and I’m just trying to make the best of it, okay.”

His voice gets more choked up as he goes on, and within seconds there is a dip on the couch next to him and thin arms wrapping tentatively around him. It’s the most awkward hug he’s probably ever received – as a girl or a boy – yet it’s the only thing he wants. He throws his own arms around Shige’s waist, buries his face in Shige’s neck, and doesn’t have time to feel ashamed as he lets it all out, crying in the only form of release he knows now.

“I really miss you,” Shige mutters into his hair, his hold tightening as Ryo’s sobs increase. “I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

Ryo wants to respond that he hasn’t changed, but even he knows that’s a lie. Instead he just clings to Shige, relaxing in the strong hold with the spicy scent of Shige’s cologne intoxicating his senses a little. He’s never been more attracted to Shige than this exact moment, and it’s the absolute worst possible timing even if it’s the most certain Ryo has been about his feelings since he initially transformed.

Shige’s actually the one who kisses him first, which doesn’t occur to Ryo until he feels Shige’s eyelashes fluttering against the stream of tears still running down his face. He gasps and Shige kisses him harder, holding onto him so tightly that he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. Ryo can’t define what he feels but he closes his mind to it anyway, his worries and apprehensions fading in favor of Shige’s lips on his and Shige’s tongue slowly flicking its way into Ryo’s mouth.

It gets really hot really fast and Ryo can’t believe this is actually happening, Shige’s body shuddering at Ryo’s hand slipping under his shirt but he’s not stopped. Fingers trailing just above his belt and Ryo’s the one who’s nervous, feeling the flesh shudder beneath his touch and wondering how far he’ll get, if Shige’s going to reciprocate or make Ryo do all the work, or whether his opinion of Ryo as a girl has changed. Ryo doesn’t know if he wants it to or not.

“Wait,” Shige hisses breathlessly against Ryo’s lips, halting Ryo’s hand by the wrist as it reaches for Shige’s zipper. “I can’t do this, Ryo. I can’t be like the rest of them.”

Ryo looks up at him through his bangs and starts to wipe his eyes, but Shige gets there first. It’s the single most romantic thing he’s experienced as either gender and he feels something akin to his heart soaring out of his chest, which basically decides it for him. “I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers.

He’s not sure what he expects, but Shige biting his lip and punching the couch pillow isn’t close to it. “Why do you have to say that as a girl?!” Shige practically yells.

And then Ryo gets it, the reason behind Shige’s disapproval this entire time, the distance he kept as well as his reluctance now. “You already loved me as a man,” he realizes out loud, sounding just as surprised as he feels.

Shige doesn’t answer, his breaths visible with the rising and falling of his chest as he flops against the back of the couch. Ryo’s already halfway in his lap and doesn’t move, staring at Shige incredulously while trying to sort this all out in his head.

“Isn’t it better this way?” Ryo tries to look on the bright side, smiling for effect. “We can be seen in public together, no one will judge us, it may even be possible to have a family-”

“You don’t get it,” Shige interrupts. “You don’t get it at all.”

“Explain it to me then!” Ryo demands. “Tell me why it matters what’s in my pants-”

“It’s not what’s in your pants, it’s what’s in your head,” Shige grits out through his teeth, looking like he’s nearing the edge of his breaking point. “Everything I love about you is everything you _aren’t_ right now.”

Ryo’s in danger of crying again. “Then why did you kiss me?”

“Because,” Shige begins, stalling to take a deep breath. “Because it’s been two weeks already and there are no signs of you going back to the way you were. With each day that passes, you lose more and more of your male personality. I kissed you because I thought it might be the key to turning you back.”

“Like the frog turns into the prince?” Ryo scoffs, not bothering to withhold his amusement. “That’s kind of stupid, Shige.”

Shige just smiles. “That’s more like it.”

“Trust me, I’m as fucked up about it as you,” Ryo tells him. “But what if I stay like this forever?”

“I guess I’ll have to learn to like you as a girl,” Shige replies, and Ryo’s nerves stand on end. “I refuse to be sloppy five-hundredths to everyone we know, though.”

Ryo laughs. “There weren’t _that_ many.”

Before he can elaborate, Shige’s mouth is on his again, claiming him in such a possessive way that Ryo can’t do anything but let him. It’s like Shige’s trying to prove something, to himself rather than to Ryo, but Ryo’s not about to analyze anything that drives Shige to be close to him like this. He only jumps a little when Ryo cups him through his pants, feeling the hardness he created and swallowing Shige’s groan when he squeezes.

“I’m not having sex with you tonight,” Shige pulls away long enough to state, his whole body freezing when he slides his hand up Ryo’s front and ends up with a palm-full of boob.

Ryo drops his mouth to Shige’s neck and distracts him while he works open his pants. “Relax,” he whispers, his breath hitching when Shige moans at the way Ryo takes his cock in hand. “I can assure you I’ve never done _this_ before.”

He moves quickly to keep Shige from stopping him, not that he seems that opposed to it with the way he helpfully leans up while Ryo tugs his pants down and takes Shige into his mouth. It feels weird but Shige seems to like it, another moan tearing from his throat as one hand rests affectionately on his head.

“I should stop you,” Shige manages to get out, along with a lot of audible breathing. “But I used up all of my energy arguing.”

Ryo would respond if his mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied. Sucking Shige in and out becomes easier as Ryo relaxes his jaw, hollowing his cheeks and using his tongue to make Shige’s length harden even more as it slips past his lips. He sneaks a hand between Shige’s legs to gently fondle his balls because Ryo used to like that himself, and the gesture goes appreciated if the way Shige tightens his grip on Ryo’s hair is any indication.

It’s not difficult just to mimic the actions Ryo remembers enjoying back when he was getting head, although he thinks much more highly of those girls now that he knows how much effort and concentration goes into it. He can already feel his jaw getting sore as he struggles to keep up his speed, feeling Shige about to fall apart against his tongue and it’s possibly the most endearing sensation he’s experienced so far. And he’s the one on his knees.

“Ryo…” Shige moans and it’s the sweetest sound in the world, followed by the most bitter taste in his mouth and strangest feeling of accomplishment as he swallows and lets Shige fall from his lips.

He’d be lying if he tried to make himself believe that he didn’t want some sort of reciprocation, but his urge to be close to Shige overrides everything else and he’s back in Shige’s lap like he never left, leaning his head on Shige’s shoulder and smiling when Shige lifts shaky arms to wrap around him.

They fall asleep like that, and when Ryo wakes up his top feels too loose and his underwear is _way_ too tight.

*

“I don’t miss the hair,” is the first thing Ryo says when Shige lets him up for air, which is about an hour after he had learned that Ryo had turned back and made it perfectly clear how much he preferred Ryo as a man.

Ryo’s amused to note that the sex isn’t that much different, just with more preparation and less orgasms. He’ll take it in exchange for Shige’s hot breath in his ear, every inch of Shige’s hard cock stretching his insides in a way he could never experience as a girl, plus the extra stimulation that comes from Shige’s hand fisting his length until they both explode, Ryo’s masculine groan unintentionally harmonizing with Shige’s as they collapse in a pile of sweaty man limbs on Ryo’s couch.

Which is when Jin flings open the door and falls to the ground, covering both eyes and making a pitiful whining sound. “I knew you were lying, asshole!”

“Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?” Shige grumbles as the door slams again.

Ryo smirks as he hears Jin flailing to Yamapi on the phone as he thunders down the stairs. “They will now.”

(Sometimes he still wears the slutty girl clothes while dancing with the vacuum cleaner to PCD, though. Some habits die hard.)


End file.
